Facing My Fear and Being Honest

I wanted change so I had to face the fear and be honest. Stop faking it, be real. This begins the healing. I brought all my pain to God. Healing doesn’t mean it never existed. It just means the anger does not control me any longer. My sins were very deep. Relationships of my past didn’t keep Jesus from pursuing me. I wandered off the path bad, but I was never forgotten. God recruits you from the pit, not the pedestal. He met me where I was. I don’t judge myself from my past anymore. I don’t live there anymore. My sin at one time felt so dark that I could not share it. God is attracted to weakness. He longs to fill us with His Grace, Love, and Goodness. I have taken back what the enemy stole with the Power of the Holy Ghost. God is the only way to Peace.

I know. I wasn’t careful and my past hurt shaped my life into someone I hated. The only way to freedom is through Christ. I tried many ways to medicate my pain. It doesn’t work. Like going to the doctor when something is wrong to get better, I had to go to God to get better. I had to say yes to His Mercy and Grace. He was the only thing that could fill my emptiness. I am not proud of my past, but I know now that no sin will keep Him from loving me. Satan was in my head telling me I was unworthy of His love. The devil wants to keep you in bondage to your past sins. When he keeps you feeling guilty, he’s got you. Every single person has blown it at some point—big time. I did it big. My mom used to tell me she made her bed so she had to lie in it. But nowhere does God say “too bad you’re disqualified.” I know that I am a Christian and God has forgiven me. I couldn’t earn it; I didn’t deserve it. I received it when I received Jesus as my Savior. I had to believe it and forgive myself. Because of the shame I had built walls. The Love and Grace of God tore those walls down. I had to surrender to Jesus, so I could be free from shame. I am worthy. I am not my past. I am loved. I am His.

Finding True Freedom in Christ

Maybe my story can help someone else to be set free. God healed my bruises and wounds. No relationship, hobby, drug, or drink will truly satisfy. Satan uses these things. Only in Jesus can I find true Joy. He has never left my side. I find joy in worshipping Him. His death certificate was my birth certificate. God has done everything to make forgiveness possible. It’s never too late as long as you have breath to turn to Jesus. Even when I wanted nothing to do with Him, God still Loved me. He is AMAZING! I still have scars, but they are no longer my identity. He will never reject me. He’s molding me into being what He wants. When I moved closer to Him, things changed. I felt Him. He cleaned out the bitterness and anger that festered inside and spread out into my life. I am lighter and happier than I have ever been. I was like an old motorcycle that needed to be fixed by an expert. I had to be fixed by God. If you want God to open and close doors, you must let go of the handle. He says to tell everyone how He rescued me. The Holy Spirit resides in me. I was given a new DNA when I surrendered to God. He resurrected these bones. When I saw myself as God saw me, it changed my life. He knocked, and I opened. I am no longer that weary traveler with a restless soul. I don’t walk this road alone. God had mercy on me so Jesus could use me as an example of His great patience with even the worst of sinners. Then others will realize that they too can believe in Him and receive eternal life. I hope I can help others see the compassionate love of Jesus. I hope to use my darkest moments to reach other hurting people find their way to Jesus.

Thanks for letting me share my story. The Spirit gives life, the flesh counts for nothing.

Christine (Chris) Hoover
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