My Dad left me the house in his will but with the stipulation my stepmother could live in it until she passed, and I was to go live with my sister who I didn’t even know. She lived in Gaylord Michigan and had 1 son my age. So, I was uprooted from everything I had ever known to the north. Kids made fun of me because of my accent. My sister was a non-believer and she worked at a bar. She and her husband drank a lot. So, to cope with the pain, I led myself to deeper places of despair. I created my path of destruction. I was a wild child.
I hid from the pain. I had low self-esteem and it made me vulnerable to dysfunctional relationships. My life was unraveling. We have choices and I choose the wrong ones. I am learning we cannot overcome what we do not face. I am sharing this journey with you in hopes of helping someone along the way. Not Because I am proud of it, I AM NOT. I have cried many tears because I felt God could never forgive my sins, but when I took them to him it was like a big burden lifted from me. He healed my heart. Jesus paid the price for every sin, but if we repent and turn from our ways he will Forgive.
1 John 1:9
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Just like a dirty mirror being cleaned. What a Great God we have!”
So, it started when I met this boy and thought I was in love at 15. Well, my sister kicked me out. I went to my moms in Detroit. First night living with her we went to pick up my brother’s income tax papers to mail and we got robbed at gunpoint getting back into the car. They took purses, jewelry and had a gun to my mom’s head. My Mom said we were lucky they let us live. God’ protection yet again? I moved back to Gaylord Michigan and lived with a foster family (parents of a friend). I also got kicked out of there because I had to be with this boy no one approved of. I ended up marrying him at 16. We may have been married for 7 months. We lived in Detroit (didn’t have a car) Gaylord Michigan and then out to California. I guess you may have called us the 70s hippies. We caught a bus in Detroit to go to work every day and in a bad area. I, of course, quit school. In California I used to run pony rides in the middle of a parking lot all day long. We had one car at this point, so he would drop me off and go to work. I got my GED and got my high school diploma while in the Air Force. We partied hard. He ended up getting someone else pregnant and I moved back to my mom’s. As soon as I could I went on delayed entry for the Air Force. I had to wait until I turned 18. I moved to my brothers’ home in Beaumont Texas before going in. I continued my destructive ways right up until I went into Basic Training. Well, that was a wakeup call. I had structure like I had never had before. After a few hick-ups I adjusted well. I had a lieutenant direct me on how to file papers for a divorce. Somehow, they found him because I did not know where he was. I continued my sinful path. I probably would have died along the way if I stayed with my stepmother when someone broke into the house in Sparta and killed her over car keys she did not have if I had not been sent to my sisters at 14. God Protecting me yet again? Instead of Thanking God and asking him for help I rejected him. What use did he have for me?
I’m sorry for my sin and the hurt and separation if has caused to God. Fear keeps us from doing what we need to do to change. I had failed. He does what he wants, when he wants, why he wants. God takes no delight in death of a sinner. God didn’t create junk.
James 5:16
“Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.”
No, I was not to the point of confessing yet. I continued my sinful nature.
Your mess is never too big to stop God’s Love. I have Big Messes.
To be Continued……..
- Wobbly Road: Part 3 - May 8, 2024
- Wobbly Road: Part 2 - April 3, 2024
- My Wobbly Road - February 28, 2024