Last night my husband told me “You worry too much”. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it and no doubt it
won’t be the last either. We are in the process of readying our house to put it for sale. I have lists and I like to check things off my list. It feels good to do it and once done its one less thing to think (worry)
about. I have always been the worrier in our family. In the past, I have even been accused of being a pessimist. My reply to this was always “I am not a pessimist…I am a realist!” I plan for the worst while
hoping for the best. The problem is you can’t anticipate every little thing no matter how hard you try, and I try very hard! When my children were little every time we would go on a family trip I was the last
one out the door because I was going over everything on my list and then grabbing the jackets, toys, snacks, direction, etc… that the boys (and here I include the full-size version) didn’t think to bring.
They were all impatiently waiting in the car wondering what was taking me so long. They didn’t worry about
those things because I worried about those things. That way my job as the mom and though I took it seriously sometimes I wished someone else would worry a little more so I could worry a little less. It’s stressful being the repository of all things important in the family. The one that is supposed to remember the birthdays and the phone numbers and if the bills were paid, whether we needed milk or not, what to get for Christmas for everyone, and so on. It’s I hope Chris did not forget his homework again and wondered whether Sean is wearing his helmet and body armor like I told him to do while he is out riding his bike on his friends’ homemade wooden bridges and woods trails. If you’re a mom, you know what I mean – the constant swirling of never-ending thoughts and possibilities is exhausting! When my oldest son Chris got his driver’s license, I would even sneak a look out the front windows every time he left to see if he put on his seatbelt when he got into his car (he did). The problem with worrying about all those things is that no matter how much I worried Chris still forgot his homework sometimes and Sean still broke his wrist because he wasn’t wearing his gear. Somehow you think that if you think and plan for all possibilities (otherwise known as worrying) you can avoid the pain those manifested
thoughts would cause.
You can’t. Even though I watched Chris put on his seatbelt every time he got into his car, he still got in a very bad car accident…the kind where you get a call from your hometown police saying, “your son was in an accident – he is being med flown to Boston Medical Center”. You go numb and you think how can that happen? He wears his seatbelt, its 1 pm on a sunny Sunday afternoon, it’s not cold, there is no ice or snow on the road. There should have been nothing for me to worry about here and yet my worst fear still came true. Fortunately, the worst thing that happened to him was a
broken leg requiring surgery – Thank God! However, that was the start of my realization that no matter
how hard you try to avoid them, bad things can still happen – sometimes it’s just completely beyond our
control.
Worrying didn’t prevent anything it just robbed me of peace of mind and caused me to behave like a
nag all the time. It was always, did you do…. or don’t forget to…it was tiring, and it was completely of my
own making. They didn’t worry about these things the way I did; they didn’t let their fear rob them of
joy and peace. They didn’t lay awake at night thinking about every little thing that could go wrong. It’s
frustrating to lay there and listen to your spouse sleeping peacefully, seemingly without a care in the
world…falling asleep in what seems like 5 seconds while your mind races and you watch the clock tick
by.
It has taken me a long time and I’m still not there yet as evidenced by my husband’s recent comment
above, but I am better. Finding a church where the Pastor teaches about God, Jesus and the Bible has
made a huge difference to me. I now understand that bad things can happen to people…even good
people…even faith filled people. It breaks God’s heart when our hearts hurt but I know that God has a
plan and even though I don’t understand it and it doesn’t always seem fair…in fact, it often doesn’t seem
fair; it’s not for me to know. John often reminds me of the “is it good is it bad…I don’t know” story
Pastor Dennis related one Sunday. The point of that story is that we don’t know Gods plan for us.
Things that happen that seem bad to us and that we don’t understand can still be going according to his
plan. Even though it’s hard to do I just have to trust that God sees the big picture and that he knows best
and leave it at that. I have to try and find peace in the idea that I don’t have to worry about everything –
that no matter what if I put my faith in him, it really doesn’t matter what happens here on earth
because one day, I will be worry-free with him in Heaven.
Jerimiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Matthew 6:27
“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
Matthew 6:34
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day
has enough trouble of its own”.
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