Sometimes, I tell my kids “No”.
Shocking huh?
Several years ago, when I was a new mom, I read an article on parenting that said that you should try to avoid telling your children “No”, because it is a negative, harsh word. It said that instead, you should redirect the child to something else. For example, if the child wants to stick a fork in the electrical outlet- instead of saying “No!” you would explain to the child that forks are made for eating and they could get hurt if they stick it in the outlet. I thought that was great until my own child wanted to stick something into the electrical outlet and I immediately yelled, “No!” Actually, I think it was more like, “NO! NO! NO!!!!!”
When my children got older, I found that explaining my reason for saying “No” worked even less since it usually just initiated an argument. For example, one cool Spring morning, my daughter, Brianna asked to go swimming in our pond.
I said, “No, you can’t go swimming today, because it’s too cold.”
She replied, “But, I’m hot.”
I explained, “It is 60 degrees outside and the water is even colder. You’ll freeze.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Yes, you will!”
“No, I won’t!”
“Yes, you will!!!!!!!!”
Eventually, I won that battle and she did not go swimming… that day.
However, on another crisp April morning, she didn’t ask me. She asked her father, “Can I go swimming?” And he said, “Sure go for it!” She quickly ran to her room to put on her swimsuit as I glared at him and exclaimed, “That water is freezing!” And he replied, “I’m sure she’ll realize that.” And she did. Very quickly.
Lesson learned.
Now, my daughters are both in their teens and I try to say “Yes” more often than “No”. Not because it’s less harsh but because it’s less necessary. Partly because they’ve learned what I’ll most likely say “No” to and no longer bother to even ask those things. But mostly because I love my children and I want them to enjoy life. So I say “Yes” as often as possible and when I say “No” they know that I have a good reason and they usually don’t push it.
I have found throughout my life that God is the same way. When I was a new Christian, I had to learn that God wasn’t a genie in a bottle standing by to grant my every wish. I asked God for all kinds of things. Things that were not good for me. And very often, He said “No”.
As I grew in my faith, I still asked God for things even when I knew in my heart they were outside of His will for me. And many times, He let me find out the hard way that I should’ve listened to that “still small voice”.
Lesson learned.
These days, I know Him a lot better. I spend more time reading His Word and talking with Him in prayer. My heart and my desires align more closely with His. So naturally, He is more likely to tell me “Yes”.
My favorite verse is Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I’ve found that to be so very true in my life. As I have delighted myself in the Lord (focused on, sought after the Lord) my heart began to align with His heart and His desires became my desires.
You see, our Heavenly Father wants to give us good and perfect gifts. Sometimes we just don’t realize what those are.
As I look back, I am so thankful that God told me “No” to some things so that He could tell me “Yes” to the better ones.
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)
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